We are just over a week from the start of the 2020 National Football Season. Some of you are preparing to lose in fantasy football, while I am preparing to watch every game on NFL Sunday Ticket, like a normal person. Let me be quick and very clear for all you small minded, impatient nerds. FANTASY FOOTBALL IS FOR LOSERS, LIKE YOU! Here is why.
The golden era of fandom and Sundays were before you nerdy meatheads took over and destroyed everything that is good about two dudes mashing heads. My favorite day of the week in the fall now consists of grown ass men (and women) portraying a GM like they are six-year-old girls playing princess in a cardboard box castle. Holding a “boys weekend” draft and placing stickers with potential rosters on a white board acting like a scout in an NFL war room you dense less losers. Then week after week your favorite team on is on the TV with a laptop of a fantasy lineup in front of you and guess what keeps your tiny brains attention? Beating Jim from HR in Week 9 of your loser fantasy football league. Let me add that if you and 11 others choose to playout a season with no reward at the end of the tunnel for your so-called hard work. That could be money, a trophy, or some sort of prize you need to reevaluate your life. We are not in grade school anymore ladies! Those of you who play for “fun” or “pride” are the biggest losers of them all.
Here is my point. Instead of panicking over what tight end to start against a top 5 defense, why not grab yourself a pop and some wings and walk your ass to the recliner to enjoy football the way it is supposed to be enjoyed. BY ACTUALLY WATCHING THE GAME YOU LOSERS. I am not sorry if you are offended.
Thank you for attending my Ted Talk.